Today’s Post will be focused on how we can heal our inner self with forgiveness and things that we can do to grow forward regardless of the pain you might have had for this situation or person.
You know how the word forgiveness is always thrown around like some piece of cake !! Very easy to say but one of the hardest thing to do? Oh, it is hard. I know it, and you also do know it is hard. Well, for some, it is easy to forgive, and for some, it is easy to say they have forgiven but always bring it up in every situation, which I can say I fall into that category, to be honest with you all. 😂
Forgiveness isn’t about agreeing with what they did. It’s also not allowing what they did to you to steal your peace of mind, your hope, happiness. It is about your healing.
First of all, I will start by writing about what forgiveness is not about because there is a lot of misconceptions about it;
Forgiveness is not being in denial about what the other person did to you. By them not taking responsibility for hurting you and how that wounded feeling has impacted your life, let’s take, for example, if you were abused or cheated on, you could not simply forget it never happened or deny that you cannot remember because those occurrences have affected you and therefore will have an impact on your upcoming relationship with someone else.
Forgiveness certainly does not mean Reconciliation. I can attest to this; My aunt hurt me so bad, and I had to forgive her so that I could grow and for my peace of mind, but I stopped calling, asking about her and just parted ways with her because we could not go back to how we were before. It was a very toxic relationship. You can forgive someone but choose never to have anything to do with that person again, maybe because of whatever you felt objected to in that relationship.
Secondly, let’s talk about what forgiveness is all about
Forgiveness is interpreted in a lot of ways, but the simplest to say is that no matter what has happened in any of our lives at this moment, we can be at peace, be it five minutes ago or five years ago. Forgiveness is an assertive or creation of peace in the present. People create a lack of stability, so we can also be the only people who can remedy the situation.
This step is an intentional and voluntary process by which you may have been offended, maltreated, injured or victimised, but choose to let go of the malice, hostility and bitterness raging up in you.
This step is an intentional decision you have to make by yourself, and let me tell you; it is not all ❤️. You will not like it or feel all contented afterwards. Being intentional is an option you decide to click on because you want to move past the experience of hurt and bitterness. The pain is holding you back on a lot of happiness, peace of mind, developing your potentials and freedom. When you realise that you keep going back to what that person had done to you and how it hurts, you would know that you are stuck in a place of unforgiveness, which inhibits your progress because you are still tied to that pain occurrence. Being Intentional about this is a process, and it means you have to walk it out
The other step is being voluntary about forgiveness which means only you can do it, not someone else but yourself. An example will be when you are in a quarrel with your partner, and this person does not want to own that he/she is wrong and blames you for what you did not do, but then you still choose to forgive that individual.
The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realise that the problem is over, you cannot move forward.
The process is not an overnight process. It takes time. For me, I have to call out that person name, and I have to keep repeating it from my hearts of hearts in meditation to say I have forgiven that person. I also have to talk about it to know I am in the process of forgiving that person because I choose to do it with willingness and time.
Finally, this is all about consideration and empathy. You can check my post on https://princessanyasodor.com/2020/09/06/do-you-think-our-modern-society-lacks-empathy/. Forgiveness is also about having the power to live your life with a sense of hope, joy, resilience, understanding and compassion because you are working on yourself. I am still learning, trying and meditating because this life no easy oooo. When people show you (shege),😔 you want to revenge, but then you think about it and understand that that person does not know any better. P.S (shege means problems or when people show you their true hurtful sides)
I will stop here and would love to hear some of your opinions on how you forgive people or do you even forgive? Please comment below and we can chat.
Thank you for the love ❤️ we see back here tomorrow for Daily Post Day 6.
Do you always have that gut feeling? When you know something is off, and you don’t have peace about a situation and a person? Do you sometimes have that little voice that comes so fast and slips away like it was never there?
Today we will be talking about the practical side of discernment and how you can listen to your gut as it can prevent or forewarn you on what’s about to come.
Firstly, what is Discernment?
It is defined as the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is also the ability to make careful distinctions in our thinking about the fact. In other words, it is the ability to think biblically.
For a while now, I have been reading about what it means, and to be honest, it is mainly linked 🔗 to various biblical quotes and readings of the Bible. It is a gift that comes from God, and that each of us has this gift as an insight to penetrate past a person veneer and the surface of a situation and also past the words that a person is using to judge people and situations accurately and when I say judge I do not mean passing judgment on as I wrote on my other post https://princessanyasodor.com/2020/02/03/judging-others🎤🎤/ I mean judging as in assessing and evaluating.
When you are tapping into your gift of discernment, you can access and evaluate people in their motives and the situations that you find yourself in. This post discusses how to know when to listen to your inner guts and tap into the flow and let God show you what you need to do in any given situation.
Now you are thinking about what this is. These are those precise and concise words that flash through your mind or linger behind your mind like. For example, there is a nice person you know, but whenever you are around that person, you always do not connect with that person, or your friend tells you to come with them to a party and you have this little voice telling you not to go, or a mother who tells her son not to go out with some friends for a reason she actually cannot place her finger on, and so on. Some examples of these words are;
Get out now
Get more information
Don’t talk or hold your thought
Pick up the phone and call
Say I am sorry
These feelings, or skill, as I would put it, is up to us to nurture that seed of discernment that we have inside of us. So that when it’s time to discern people in their motives and situations it can be utilised. It can be nurtured in various ways, like through meditation or prayer. The more time you spend alone meditating or praying, the better tuned your spirit is to reading people better and seeing through their charades. These thoughts sometimes make you not sleep at night because it weighs heavily on your mind. When you have these thoughts, you desire one thing, but in retrospect, it is not suitable for you.
Do you know that saying? That Every disappointment a blessing? Oh yes! Sometimes it is true! I am sure you must have also irked when you are around someone or even before getting into a relationship, but because that person was packaged just the way you like and want, you just decided to throw that intuition to the wind and then later it grows and bites your ass.
An important message is: when you are dealing with someone, you are also dealing with their frequency.
Ways to know and surrender to your inner self in discerning situations.
Surrending; paying attention to your inner self by meditating
Calmness; that peace of mind you have about something and sure enough to walk away from it because it’s not good for you even though you want it.
Empowerment; empowers us to act in accordance with our own lives and be able to act on our behalf
I have a friend who has the spirit of discernment, and it is an obvious one. Funny enough, when she tells her husband not to do something or to do something, he dismisses her. Then later that same thing, she warned him about rebounds, and he calls her a Wi###. ( you know 🧐)
Discernment is focusing on others and not on self because it allows you to assess if whatever situation you are in is good for you or not.
I will have to stop here for now and continue more on this topic next time. Please do leave a comment on how you see through the social mask people wear? And how do you deal with it? I will be happy to hear from you. Thank you
We will see here tomorrow on day four of daily post.
If you are struggling with self-discovery like I am, then I guess this post is for you. This strengthening of a personal relationship with oneself is coming from someone who is in the mix, or I would say, in the process of discovering herself.
I am not your everyday Positiveness guru who wakes up and sets her mind on something, manifests and be an all-around happy person. No, I am not that person. I thought I was, but Nah Nah Nah sometimes situations humbles you, and you have to learn yourself and know what your path and purpose is.
I am a firm believer that hard work and positiveness go hand in hand. The reason some people find this hard is that they do not genuinely want to put in some work. Sometimes life hit you hard, and one day you wake the F### up and see it for what it is. That is fine. I am still waking up, and it is through these challenges, tough love and the knowledge that I am accountable to every choice and decisions I make to my self that pushes me through.
I am in control of my body, hands, mind and decisions. So long as you are above 18+, you are supposed to take an active initiative to maintain and honouring your life force energy and not allowing outside forces to dictate how you are going to live the life you want. Well, that is up to you to decide if you wish it so or not.
Some of these forces could be to point fingers at people who caused you trauma and pain, or to point fingers at situations that have not been of good to you also hinders your journey to self-discovery.
This example here was my case, but I learned early enough that regardless of whatever the situation was or is, I can blame myself or make myself accountable and find how I can make that situation better 🌟.
Secondly, also to do things that will make you proud of yourself so that your future self can look back and be like, wow, ❕ you did that and then you will see your reality shifting for you. You have to understand who and what is it you want to be and then embodying that being that you want to be
This is the day two post of my daily reflections. I hope you are all doing well. Please do leave a comment below stating your journey of self discovery. What can be done for oneself to be aligned with him/her/itself? I would be glad to read your comments.
I am standing by the bus station waiting for my bus to come and another bus which was not supposed to stop at that particular bus station stops in front of me and says „I normally do not stop here but where are you headed“? and I told him the train station he said „I am not headed there but I can take you to your destination“ and then I laughed and was cheered and happy that even though that wonderful man did not know me and whatever it is I am going through. He stopped to cheer someone up.
I thanked him and he moved on but that brought me to thinking 🤔. How did he know I needed a laugh or a push or ???.
As I stand here waiting for my bus, my thoughts start rolling. What are people going through? How can you know when people are going through hard times? And not even only that, how can you help? While all these thoughts are going through my mind, I watch people laugh and hold hands; I see a child riding his scooter with a stern face. I see an older man trying to walk down the streets, two young girls chatting and giggling, and the one ☝️question still going through my mind is, How can they know what I am going through?
You know nobody looks like what they are going through or dress like what they are going through. Two of my dear friends called me today saying, „Princess, dress up, put on makeup and go out, “ but I do not feel like doing what they suggested. What I feel right now standing by the bus station is to scream my heart out, wear my problems like a cloth so that everyone or anyone can press a stop 🛑 or like ❤️ button on me so as to push these problems away.
But you see that is not the case. And in reality even if it was.., would you be helped by random people? Would people care? Would they ask how well you are doing? Or all they actually want to hear in return is I am fine? Without asking real deep?
Well, my bus came and I drove with the bus to the train Station and there I see and hear a man singing and playing his instruments which also brought smiles to my face. I had to tip him ❤️. Now I am standing, still standing waiting for my train and all I am thinking is Problems NEVER ENDS!
But little snippets of love, care, cheering, word of encouragement, checking up and prayers go a long way.
Here is my daily Post for today. In the next ten days, I will be posting daily and hope I make it through. Could you cross your fingers for me? I hope you are doing well, and you can also share your daily rants and feelings here too, and I will be here to rant with you ❤️.
You would not believe the insolence people have. Well, the question is if they even see it at all.
One afternoon I went to visit my friend after work. I was with her for two hours eating, chatting and discussing while she was preparing to go to work. At around 3:40 pm we decided to take the train, she going to work and I was going home.
As we boarded the train, I wanted to go up the first floor of the train and she countered that it would not be convenient for her , since she would be coming down at the next two junctions. I on the other hand, wanted to sit close to a window and just sleep. But then she always wins (the big head). So we sat down close to the door where bicycles 🚲 and Mamas always have a spot. There a lady sat opposite us with her bicycle. I and my friend noticed how she was stealing looks (no-no) not stealing looks but looking right at us the whole time. We kept our cool and decided to ignore her while chatting.
After a while, another lady came from the other coach and decided to pitch her bicycle against the other bicycles there. After that She left to sit elsewhere. Then BOOM something happened which left us Speechless. The Bicycles all tumbled and fell onto the other woman who was staring at us the whole time. Her bags and books fell off her, and we scrambled to help her get her things up. (But guess what? She did not say thank you to us) and the lady whose bicycle caused the whole commotion just sat there while her Girlfriend who we had not seen earlier stood up to come to pick their bicycle without uttering a word… NO word, no sorry, no sympathy, or asked if the lady was injured or to see if something had happened to her or us!! That left me and my friend perplexed like astounded like WTF…? And we were just looking at each other with no words but knowing we were both sending each other thousands of words with our silence and stare.
This got me thinking, why are people emotionless? Baseless? Or rather lacking Empathy by the day. So I read up on it and I came to realize that Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s reality while thinking about or being aware of their feelings. There are people like those two or rather three ladies who did not have this quality. After reading this up I realized I have encountered such in my life as well and I could identify them as such:
How do you Identify an Empathless person.
They do not pay you attention. They do not worry about you and are so focused on themselves because they care less about what happens to you.
They are unsympathetic and do not feel the urge to comfort you of your pain or what you are going through
They are selfish and do not trust anyone
They are also Egoistic
They find solace in Pain
Most of us have had Interaction or similar cases like this or even worse with our Partners, Bestfriends, Co-workers, Siblings, Parents and so on that leave us baffled. It still surprises and chagrins us when people we consider Families, friends, loved ones, decent, kind people seem to abandon us when we most need their emotional support.
This kind of interrelationship builds up to resentment, provocation, criticism and counterattacks. But this is what I have learnt from people with this emotions. If you have no empathy for yourself, no matter the love you give them, no matter how you try to make them accept you and also try to get their validation. At the very end they will not empathize with you.
How to come to Terms with an unemphathetic person
Do not get me wrong I am not saying they are bad people what I am saying is that you have to look into yourself and and know what you are standing for. Are you in whatever Situation you are with an unemphathetic person because you want to prove something? or feel seen? or worthful? These people have a lot on them so therefore you can only give back to these people when you:
When you are there to feel with them
When you come to the realisation that you accept them for who they are
When you have no expectations
When you pratcice self compassion and show yourself love
When you find someone caring to talk to e.g Therapist or loving friends
When you stop jumping through hoops for them and let it drain your Spirit
I feel really sad that they lack empathy because of things that must have happened at one time in their lives, traumatized childhood upbringings, lack of self-worth, loveless relationships and It’s like a never-ending bad cycle… starting from a loveless marriage that affects every member in the family, and when the children grow up from such environment, how do we expect them to know how to love and connect? The world is full of detached connections. This is a universal issue of our world pushing us towards Individualism besides many other issues too.
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
I hope the newer generation will have an increased awareness in educating their children and demonstrating to them with examples of how to love and relate in their relationship in other to grow emotionally healthy children. This all starts with us, we have to change what we can change, but we should not waste our time and energy trying to change someone who does not want to be changed.
Do you think our Society has become less Empathless?
Please feel free to comment on your experience with Lack of Empathy and what can be done in situations like this. I would be glad to hear from you.
This is my Birth month and i am so exicited. Happy new month everyone.
A dose of positivity. A little positivity goes a long way.
I want to use this medium to say that positive vibes is contagious. You can’t always be a downer. I feel down most of the time when things do not go my way too.
I watched the film ”Living in Bondage” (Breaking free) on Netflix and it is the sequel of the film ”Living in Bondage” which tells the story of Nnamdi Okeke, a young man who seems sympathic and inexperienced. The story of Nnamdi is very relatable because he wears his frustrations right on his sleeves. Nnamdi quits his job in the hope of opening a company of his own, in the aim of achieving greater success. The dream of being Independent did not pull through. Nnamdi’s uncontrollable pursue of success – fast cars, easy living and flashy lifestyle made him set out for a muffing quest for the extensive life, one that he would do whatever it takes to achieve it. Moreover, the point to prove himself that he is the better son to his father inevitably took him on this precarious quest.
Andy Okeke (Nnamdi Okeke biological father) mysteriously learns about a son he never knew existed. He is warned that his son is going down the path which he (Andy) sought out 27 years ago. It is a life-threatening journey for him and he does not want his son to go down that same path. Of course, the reunion of father and son did not go well and Nnamdi decides not to heed to his father’s advice.
Finally, Nnamdi‘s discovers the magnitude of his actions. He faces an enormous and regrettable predicament that has eventually become his bondage. He struggles to break free. In order to prove his commitment to a cultist group, he is instructed to sacrifice a loved one. In the film, the viewer sees he loves two people immensely, his brother (Toby) and girlfriend (Kelly).
I know you ask yourself, why I have decided to add a summary of the film ”Living in Bondage” It is to make a statement that at the end of it all, what helped Nnamdi was the bond between him and his brother (Toby) who came to his rescue. The dose of positivity Toby gave Nnamdi was what saved him at the end. And here is a dialogue between Nnamdi and Toby👇🏾
Toby :Somehow, we will get through this. Remember when I bashed Daddy`s car do you remember what you told me? You said to me what you go through I go through you did not bash the car
Toby and Nnamdi: we bashed the car.
Toby: You are my brother, my blood till the very end.
They both hugged at the end doing their brother stunts with the hands.
I felt that this dialogue between him and his brother was what gave him the strength to be able to defeat the cult that was after his life.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
I am grateful, I have someone who is my Pillar and is there to always encourage me and tell me to share my worries. I am grateful for my parents who care about me and their prayers go before me. I am grateful for friends who whenever I call or texts, respond with the question (what is the way forward?) than berating me or telling me it was my fault.
Although we can find ourselves in a difficult time, we should have the courage to ask about the wellbeing of our neighbours, friends, colleagues, family members and also share some nice words with them which would go a long way. We do not know what any of them are passing through and you could be their joy that day or moment in time.
Kind words are short and easy to speak but their echos are truly endless
I hope you enjoy this post and do not forget to add a dose of Positivity in everything you do. Share your thoughts with me in the comment section below, like my post and do not forget to follow back.