You would not believe the insolence people have. Well, the question is if they even see it at all.
One afternoon I went to visit my friend after work. I was with her for two hours eating, chatting and discussing while she was preparing to go to work. At around 3:40 pm we decided to take the train, she going to work and I was going home.
As we boarded the train, I wanted to go up the first floor of the train and she countered that it would not be convenient for her , since she would be coming down at the next two junctions. I on the other hand, wanted to sit close to a window and just sleep. But then she always wins (the big head). So we sat down close to the door where bicycles 🚲 and Mamas always have a spot. There a lady sat opposite us with her bicycle. I and my friend noticed how she was stealing looks (no-no) not stealing looks but looking right at us the whole time. We kept our cool and decided to ignore her while chatting.
After a while, another lady came from the other coach and decided to pitch her bicycle against the other bicycles there. After that She left to sit elsewhere. Then BOOM something happened which left us Speechless. The Bicycles all tumbled and fell onto the other woman who was staring at us the whole time. Her bags and books fell off her, and we scrambled to help her get her things up. (But guess what? She did not say thank you to us) and the lady whose bicycle caused the whole commotion just sat there while her Girlfriend who we had not seen earlier stood up to come to pick their bicycle without uttering a word… NO word, no sorry, no sympathy, or asked if the lady was injured or to see if something had happened to her or us!! That left me and my friend perplexed like astounded like WTF…? And we were just looking at each other with no words but knowing we were both sending each other thousands of words with our silence and stare.
This got me thinking, why are people emotionless? Baseless? Or rather lacking Empathy by the day. So I read up on it and I came to realize that Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s reality while thinking about or being aware of their feelings. There are people like those two or rather three ladies who did not have this quality. After reading this up I realized I have encountered such in my life as well and I could identify them as such:
How do you Identify an Empathless person.
- They do not pay you attention. They do not worry about you and are so focused on themselves because they care less about what happens to you.
- They are unsympathetic and do not feel the urge to comfort you of your pain or what you are going through
- They are selfish and do not trust anyone
- They are also Egoistic
- They find solace in Pain
Most of us have had Interaction or similar cases like this or even worse with our Partners, Bestfriends, Co-workers, Siblings, Parents and so on that leave us baffled. It still surprises and chagrins us when people we consider Families, friends, loved ones, decent, kind people seem to abandon us when we most need their emotional support.
This kind of interrelationship builds up to resentment, provocation, criticism and counterattacks. But this is what I have learnt from people with this emotions. If you have no empathy for yourself, no matter the love you give them, no matter how you try to make them accept you and also try to get their validation. At the very end they will not empathize with you.
How to come to Terms with an unemphathetic person
Do not get me wrong I am not saying they are bad people what I am saying is that you have to look into yourself and and know what you are standing for. Are you in whatever Situation you are with an unemphathetic person because you want to prove something? or feel seen? or worthful? These people have a lot on them so therefore you can only give back to these people when you:
- When you are there to feel with them
- When you come to the realisation that you accept them for who they are
- When you have no expectations
- When you pratcice self compassion and show yourself love
- When you find someone caring to talk to e.g Therapist or loving friends
- When you stop jumping through hoops for them and let it drain your Spirit
I feel really sad that they lack empathy because of things that must have happened at one time in their lives, traumatized childhood upbringings, lack of self-worth, loveless relationships and It’s like a never-ending bad cycle… starting from a loveless marriage that affects every member in the family, and when the children grow up from such environment, how do we expect them to know how to love and connect? The world is full of detached connections. This is a universal issue of our world pushing us towards Individualism besides many other issues too.
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
David Cross
I hope the newer generation will have an increased awareness in educating their children and demonstrating to them with examples of how to love and relate in their relationship in other to grow emotionally healthy children.
This all starts with us, we have to change what we can change, but we should not waste our time and energy trying to change someone who does not want to be changed.
Do you think our Society has become less Empathless?
Please feel free to comment on your experience with Lack of Empathy and what can be done in situations like this. I would be glad to hear from you.
This is my Birth month and i am so exicited. Happy new month everyone.
Princess Pringles. 
I was just laughing when I read throigh the first part of this Post. Like.. My dear.. I have come à cross alot of sich people here abroad, and sincerely i just had to come to terms with this by telling myself that’s how the upbringing in some homes. But sha.. Its hard to Deal with such people yah.. I swear
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Hahahahahahah i am sure you laughed. I was feeling that day like i was in a place and my eyes were covered
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I think the society has become less emphatless
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I think so too. Thank you Olumide
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Oh yes, the state of the society has made her to be empathy less and it’s justifiable so to say. Everyone has turned into good managers because life has screwed us all and forced each and everyone of us to mind our business. I could remember vividly my eseprience in June while I was coming back from a trip. I met aged couple withing the ages of 80 and 90 and they both were struggling with their luggage. I offered my assistance and I was turned down and I was a bit shocked. Unfortunately for these couple, both of them fell down while struggling with their 23kg luggage to climb into the train and at that moment they became totally helpless because people saw how they rejected my offer of assistance and then dicided to live them in their own faith. Guess what! I carried them up one after the other and then took their heavy luggage into the train.
Our various experiences in life have really activated the monster spirit in us and we have failed to know that one good turn deserves another. The question is what if there is no good turn from anyone?
Life indeed has screwed us all and have made mankind less empathy.
Thanks Princess for coming with this wonderful topic. It’s really a larg and deep topic that needs physical deliberations. It’s really interesting topic. Kudos!!!
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Wow really really touching. This descriptin happens almost everyday here. Like its the norm. I see a pregnant or old lady i ask if i can assist and they say No. and the next thing you see them falling down in the bus because they are not sitted and you ask yourself why? I hope this monster spirit can be deactivated to avoid more (NO FEELING FOR THE NEXT PERSON). Thank you so much for this wonderful piece.
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I feel everyone should at least develop a bit of empathy, it is a soft skill that can be learned and is very necessary if one wants to have good interpersonal relationship.
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Yes you are right but not everyone is built on such Platform to feel and have Empathy.
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Anyone who views another’s pain with complete detachment or indifference is shutting off important feelings. Showing empathy is a beautiful thing and it can only flow out from a regenerated soul. Great Job Princess!
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Great Piece. You ae welcome and thank you
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Hello Princess 🙂
TL;DR 😐
What you and / or I think doesn’t matter as much as what you and / or I do.
(IMHO)
🙂 Norbert
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We have to Lead and others follow. Thanks Nobert
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If you take a good look at the world today, all you see is “CHAOS”. Thus there are quite a good number of persons out there lacking empathy. I think we have to come to that realization and best manage this issue. Personally i feel it all starts with parenting whether the home broke to shreads or not, i mean that’s the best time to instill all the morals a growing child should posses, the ones who end up getting disconnected should also be looked critically at cos they might just be ticking timebombs.
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Exactly my sentiments. The ability to act indifference to other people’s feelings are alarming and should be looked at. Maybe another theory as Individualism could be looked into or brought up
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Thank you Val.
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Well written 👏 this has become quite common these days. It’s quite unfortunate how people can be so bitter that it kills them from inside to show a little bit of empathy. However some people do care but it hard for them to express it or show it.
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The part that it is hard for them to express is where I feel for. Thank you Babes 🥰🥰
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Well, personally I think people(they make up the society) are becoming empathess reason best known to them.
If there were more love and empathy in our society and the world at large it would be easier to cohabit but I am real scared that’s not the case now.
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Yes ooo its not the case. But the case has to start with us. Thank you Anita
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Well, this a great topic which cd be discussed the whole day. When I was new in Germany, I was forced to notice this lack of empathy or the indifference among people. It felt like people where groomed not to show their feelings or be passionate or show empathy. It was totally different from my experience in my African home country. And indeed, most children in DE for example, are taught to be ambitious and self-confident as the most important values (according to an article about psychology). So bringing up empathetic children is not very vital for many parents here.
At the same time, the good examples given above show why our society has become and is yet to become more empathless. If I kept on offering my help to someone who clearly needs it and they kept on saying “No thanks”, I wdnt offer my help after the 6th time of rejection. Right? My reaction or indifference is then caused by the sensitivity of the rejections before, and it would be a subconscious process.
Talk about a good frnd of mine from India that I had. This gal was a perfect soul, acting at her best moral ability in EVERY given situation, very CARING, understanding, forthcoming etc, in fact I used to tell her, “Girl, you are too good for this world”. Indeed she was, until she started working and her colleagues made life a living hell for her. I started noticing the negative changes in her, including indifference and lack of empathy… It was saddening but I knew where it was coming coming from.
And the thing is that, the world has become VERY superficial. We all know it at least and that comes along with lack of empathy because no one cares any more. All “we” want is to look “our best”, intentionally step on others at work to get promotions, gang up with the “good looking” people to avoid being bullied too…the list is long. And yet we are supposed to stand in for the “weak” or the victim in a given situation.
It seems to me, like there’s a “global wave of tediousness towards showing emotions or empthy. It’s like human beings are exhausted from being empathetic. It’s not like it used to be, times have changed and it feels like it’s just the beginning. Let alone other global difficulties that we are all aware of.
I think we should be urged more often to take a moment in our daily lives and reflect on the good qualities we need to enable our societies function in a healthy and upright manner.. Those that make our working places proper and worthy going to every single day…. Just like we are doing here…
And yes, we should continue teaching our children that success or prosperity not only needs ambition, self-drive but also empathy.
And in fact, I ll keep on offering my help to vulnerable passengers with heavy baggage, if they reject it and fall down, they will be forced to recognize that fact they were wrong. Besides, it would be a good demonstration for the by-standing to reflect about.
I will keep on trying my best not to judge someone before putting myself in his/her situation. And I also believe that, all of us who took time to leave a comment will not become indifferent or less empathetic. 🙂
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You know reading it I felt like crying because (Your comment up here) was what I was trying to portray when I was writing the post. Yea a blind lady at the Uni was almost falling into the Lahn and I tried to say she should just put her stick to the left side so she can have a good grip of the road and she was really mad at me. I did not touch her or anything just spoke with her. I was shocked and I was really sad.
I do not understand. An accident happened right in front of me with two motorcycle and we ran there to help them and they bluntly refused
It’s crazy
Thank you so much for your comment Jackie
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Its really sad, and at the same time quite unbelievable but i still know, that there are other blind or injured people who cd have appreciated your helping hand instead of getting mad or saying “No”.
Your welcome dear.
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Thank you 😊
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I think this is the basis of all troubles the world is going through presently, no one cares about the other, some are brought up not to show emotions, they see it as a sign of weakness or guilt. To correct this requires a massive reorientation, starting from oneself and then to what we tell and do to the upcoming generation. Nice one Princess.
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Ghana!!!! You nailed it!! Thank you 😊
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For sure there are different people you can encounter everywhere, but I think it’s important that one does not let anybody make him/her disappointed in people and then start behaving in the same way ‘like everybody does’. Maybe in some situations it’s better to reply with something good on bad things, rather than multiply evelness among people by ‘reacting in the same way’. Or doing a good thing to somebody not to expect any gratefullness in advance, but just do something good for the sake of doing something good and let the other person be as he/she is. I think preserving empathy at least in ourselves is sometimes also a big challenge.
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So true Rustam. I thank you for your insight and will keep it to heart.
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